a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
