I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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