had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize