This is not my ceiling
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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