i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
