i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
