hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
