You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
