I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
