Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
