ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
