I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
