Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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