ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
