Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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