Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If that was your dad, he is hot
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
