No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize