we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
