Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize