I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
