All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
