It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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