He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
