Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
