Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
