guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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