if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
