meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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