im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
