Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
