i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
