her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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