if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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