there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
