Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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