Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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