It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
