It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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