if you like me you must not know who I am
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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