she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
