This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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