How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
This is my gift to your gina
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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