Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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