I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
