from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize