I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize