Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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