If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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