I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't deserve a penis
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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