Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize