we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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