I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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