he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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