my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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