I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
