ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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