i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
