He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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