i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Randomize
