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Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
