she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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