Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize