i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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