My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
