We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
