it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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