his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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