She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
