where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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