May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
This house was built for laser tag.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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