I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
