dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
