whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize