I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
