Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Every concussion has its silver lining
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
