I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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