I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
