omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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