we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
