I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
