i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
