yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
