Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This baby is an asshole
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
