i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish i was in the wii world.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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