Three words: puerto rican gang bang
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
