thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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