my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
