the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
