YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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