I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
